


Spinning Through Grief

by Elfwreck



Category: Ellen Degeneres Show RPF, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath, Grief, Interviews, M/M, Public Relations, Talk Shows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 07:23:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2573072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elfwreck/pseuds/Elfwreck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the events of "And Nowhere to Go," Steve has to face his adoring (and scandal-seeking) public.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spinning Through Grief

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [And Nowhere to Go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2494958) by [Nonymos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nonymos/pseuds/Nonymos). 



> Nonymos said there won't be a sequel, but I'm too caught up in "what happens next" to let it go. This is wild speculation in the shape of a fic.  
> Also, while this is probably readable on its own, the meaning changes rather drastically without the original.

"I know you all saw that amazing kiss last month, where the two hottest men ever to punch aliens in the face came out on national television. Sadly, Mister Stark passed away from the injuries he received while fighting those aliens, but Captain Rogers did not, so here he is! Say hello to Captain America!"

The crowd, undaunted by the mention of Tony's death, cheered wildly as Ellen crossed the stage to shake Steve's hand. He smiled wanly as he did so, knowing she'd take it as a sign that he was still thinking of Tony--which, he supposed, he was; he'd probably be thinking of Tony every day for a long while yet. 

She led him over to a very soft couch; public interviews had certainly gotten a lot more comfortable since the last time he'd done them.

He looked out over the crowd and tried to smile. It probably didn't work, but that was fine. The cheering died down as they realized that he was supposedly in mourning, and this was the only talk show he'd agreed to visit. He could feel them shift from adulation to rapt attention as they waited for him to speak.

He tried to get his thoughts together--dammit, he had a script, a set of points to go over--but he still couldn't hear Tony's name without wanting to flinch. He couldn't say it at all.

Ellen, smooth and friendly as he'd seen on the video clips they'd shown him, stepped in. "So, Steve--is it okay if I call you Steve?"

Steve nodded. Non-military people who called him _Captain Rogers_ were never his friends, and Ellen struck him as someone who could be, even if she could never know the truth.

"Steve, then. I know you've suffered a great loss recently, and I want to thank you for coming here so soon after."

Steve closed his eyes briefly, then looked at her. "I know... I know there are a lot of questions. And I'd like to answer some of them, the ones I can, anyway, so I can..." and here, he paused and looked down, like he'd practiced with Natasha, and then looked back up at her. "So I can get on with my life."

Ellen nodded, and said softly, "It must be very hard for you."

"I can't--" he broke off, and looked away. This was harder than he'd expected. "More than I can say." And that was almost a whisper.

"I only have a few questions, if you're willing..."

"Yes, please. I need... I need to start putting this behind me."

And they'd all read that the wrong way, and that was just fine with him. 

"So, you and Tony Stark... how long were you involved?"

 _Involved._ What a fascinating word for it. "A few months," Steve said. "It was... very sudden."

"You never hinted at anything in your work as an Avenger." That was almost a question.

"We didn't... _He_ didn't... want anyone to know, and I wasn't sure if I did, at first."

Ellen nodded, as if that were only reasonable. She stayed quiet, and Steve recognized that as his opening. He took a deep breath, and split his attention between his hostess and the crowd, as he'd learned to do for the newsreels.

"We... we didn't want to compromise the team, and I wasn't sure what public opinion would be. Back in my day, we could've been killed for..." he trailed off, not sure how to finish that. But that seemed to be fine with them, so he continued. "Being an Avenger has been an honor and a privilege, and I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want... our... the..." he couldn't say the word _relationship_ ; practicing it with Natasha was one thing, but this was too public; he couldn't say it here-- "to take that away from me."

He looked into the camera, raw hurt on his face, and heard the audience sigh. Ellen leaned toward him, like any minute now she was going to hug him, so he took another breath and sat up straighter on the couch. She sat back.

"So..." she spoke carefully, now; no trace of milking a romance for the media, but more like someone offering comfort to a friend. It was probably false--Steve had a lot of practice with people looking friendly for the cameras--but for now, he'd take it. "That kiss, the one everyone saw..."

Steve looked down. He certainly couldn't meet anyone's eyes and talk about that.

"... Any regrets?" she asked softly.

"Only that I didn't do it sooner," he answered fervently.


End file.
